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Literature Text
Somehow, I like this sensation of non-existence.
There are so many things you hear when you stop to
exist. Because no one doubts their own shadow.
When you're only seen as a thing and not a
person, people come to trust you. Because house,
decorations do not betray you, people do.
Because when you're just a thing left in the
house while the owner goes away, you have options.
You can choose to wait for the return of your
master or you could always throw that silly birthday
party you always wanted and celebrate in silence.
It's not like he will notice anyway. Why would a man
who's forgotten the face of his own daughter notice the
absence of a few slices of meat and a bottle of wine?
Because when you officially stop to exist you get
freedom to do whatever you please, as long as you do
it in silence and don't leave any traces.
"Happy birthday! Time to celebrate another year of
non-existence!" Why would I throw away this freedom
only to exist? Because if I started to exist I would
be a person, distrusted, pitied. That's why as long
as I stay in the shadows and remain as one, And as long
as my silent echoes remains silent, I can remain free.
Why throw it away...?
There are so many things you hear when you stop to
exist. Because no one doubts their own shadow.
When you're only seen as a thing and not a
person, people come to trust you. Because house,
decorations do not betray you, people do.
Because when you're just a thing left in the
house while the owner goes away, you have options.
You can choose to wait for the return of your
master or you could always throw that silly birthday
party you always wanted and celebrate in silence.
It's not like he will notice anyway. Why would a man
who's forgotten the face of his own daughter notice the
absence of a few slices of meat and a bottle of wine?
Because when you officially stop to exist you get
freedom to do whatever you please, as long as you do
it in silence and don't leave any traces.
"Happy birthday! Time to celebrate another year of
non-existence!" Why would I throw away this freedom
only to exist? Because if I started to exist I would
be a person, distrusted, pitied. That's why as long
as I stay in the shadows and remain as one, And as long
as my silent echoes remains silent, I can remain free.
Why throw it away...?
Literature
Sick of society
I may live inside my own, twisted universe
I may change, sometimes for the worst.
What's normal to me is not normal for you.
Sometimes I just do what I need to do.
Behind a brick wall, I hoped someone would break it
I threw out my heart hoping someone would take it.
But I got tired of hiding and tired of hating
And instead of throwing myself at every guy, I'm waiting.
I'm sick of the person I tried to be
So basically, here I am, I will be me
I'm sick of the hatred, would you not agree?
.. Basically I'm sick of society.
Literature
:: More Than You'll Ever Know ::
Does it make you proud
When you're the cause of someone's tears?
Does it bring you joy
Every time you insult the innocent?
Do you know what you do
When you speak with your vicious tongue?
Do you realize what happens
Every time you laugh at another's sorrow?
You see a woman with male friends
And you accuse her of craving sexual attention.
You notice a boy wearing glasses
And you tease him with the name "four-eyes."
There's a group of peace lovers;
You proclaim they're annoying hipsters.
The teenage boys who love each other;
You tear them asunder by calling them abominations.
Do you find pleasure
In being the source of a poor soul's ago
Literature
You'll Never Understand...
You'll never understand...
But I'm glad you don't.
Because that would mean
You'd have to go through my pain.
And I'd never wish that
For you.
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well this is written for the prompt at 
and the theme was "shadow"
i had alot of fun writing this even if writer's block still trying to keep me down. i noticed however that i don't really have blocks when it comes to my OC's so this is just something i write like a moment from one of my OC's life.
i know she is kind of depressed yet she love the illusion that she dosen't exist i think it gives her a feeling of being alive and be free. soo yah..
Hope you enjoy it!
and the theme was "shadow"i had alot of fun writing this even if writer's block still trying to keep me down. i noticed however that i don't really have blocks when it comes to my OC's so this is just something i write like a moment from one of my OC's life.
i know she is kind of depressed yet she love the illusion that she dosen't exist i think it gives her a feeling of being alive and be free. soo yah..
Hope you enjoy it!
© 2012 - 2024 Ekinawa
Comments6
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Thanks for submitting this to #GrammarNaziCritiques. My name is Ed and I’ll be reading through your work today!
I’m not sure why you chose to start new lines in the middle of sentences. It makes it harder to spot some punctuation errors. It does make it easier to reference when critiquing though, so thanks!
Some comments and issues:
L-Line
ST-Stanza
ST 1
L2 – maybe add a comma after ‘Somehow’.
L2 - ‘there’ should be capitalized since you’ve added a period to L1.
L5 – ‘People’ shouldn’t have a capital, since you’ve got a comma preceding it.
L8 – commas needed after ‘house’ and ‘away’, to create a subordinate clause.
Good use of the ‘rule of three’ when using ‘Because’
ST 2
L2 - I love 'silly birthday'. It sort of trivialises it and that makes a nice contrast and a clear intention of the narrator.
L6 – question mark needed after ‘bottle of wine’
ST 3
L5 – ‘and’ should be lower case, since you have a comma preceding it.
I really love the concept, and it’s wonderful that you took on *MagicalJoey’s comments and fixed the spelling. It is a very powerful piece, but I wonder, why did you chose to opt for prose and not make this into a poem? It’s great work, it really is. The idea of being happy in solace is an uncommon philosophy, but I can definitely see where you’re coming from. I know several people who would agree, whole-heartedly!
We don’t get much sense of character, but I think that’s alright. It’s nicer to have a little ambiguity, so we can focus on the feelings of the piece. It is actually very powerful and evocative.
Great work; I mean it. Keep it up.
I’m not sure why you chose to start new lines in the middle of sentences. It makes it harder to spot some punctuation errors. It does make it easier to reference when critiquing though, so thanks!
Some comments and issues:
L-Line
ST-Stanza
ST 1
L2 – maybe add a comma after ‘Somehow’.
L2 - ‘there’ should be capitalized since you’ve added a period to L1.
L5 – ‘People’ shouldn’t have a capital, since you’ve got a comma preceding it.
L8 – commas needed after ‘house’ and ‘away’, to create a subordinate clause.
Good use of the ‘rule of three’ when using ‘Because’
ST 2
L2 - I love 'silly birthday'. It sort of trivialises it and that makes a nice contrast and a clear intention of the narrator.
L6 – question mark needed after ‘bottle of wine’
ST 3
L5 – ‘and’ should be lower case, since you have a comma preceding it.
I really love the concept, and it’s wonderful that you took on *MagicalJoey’s comments and fixed the spelling. It is a very powerful piece, but I wonder, why did you chose to opt for prose and not make this into a poem? It’s great work, it really is. The idea of being happy in solace is an uncommon philosophy, but I can definitely see where you’re coming from. I know several people who would agree, whole-heartedly!
We don’t get much sense of character, but I think that’s alright. It’s nicer to have a little ambiguity, so we can focus on the feelings of the piece. It is actually very powerful and evocative.
Great work; I mean it. Keep it up.