i hate the way you twist me with a simple smile,
turning me inside out with just a word.
how can you do this much to someone like me?
i hate it, i do! i want it all to burn
(to the ground and
leave me alone
to throw myself into gluttonous dreams...
fleeting...
and
broken...)
why is it that you can shake that heart i long
ago tossed out the window? why is it that you
can make me feel? can't we just end this game
before the heart is pierced, broken and rotten?
(to forget and laugh about it
like
it's only a silly thought
nothing more.... )
how can you twist my tongue to disobey? now it's
only a lump of useless meat, too big to chew down.
the words i want to express are locked up and forgotten,
too dusty to be sincere. what kind of dirty tricks did you
use to get me so taken? why is it that i find myself with
my hands clenched around your neck?
(yet i'm to numb to crush...)
why do i find myself wanting you to tip me over
and pour me out? what did you do to get me
this shaken?
(without the option to
turn around and
run...)
p.s i hate you!
1st line: capitalize I, add a comma after the word smile
2nd line: you need either a period or dash after the word word
4th line: capitalize all letter "I"s
3rd stanza:
1st line: capitalize why
2nd line: capitalize why
3rd line: capitalize can't
5th stanza:
1st line: capitalize how, capitalize now
2nd line: "to big to" needs to be written as "too big to"
3rd line: capitalize the, capitalize I,
4th line: to should be too, capitalize what
5th line: capitalize why and put a space between the why and the question mark, capitalize I
6th line: question mark after neck
6th stanza:
1st line: Capitalize why and I
2nd line: capitalize what
3rd line: question mark after shaken
End: capitalize I
Real Big Tip: Please remember to capitalize letter I's!!!!
Anyway thank you so much for the Critique I really appriciate it. :3